Overwhelmed
** Warning, this is going to be a long post, so shut off the TV, get out your reading glasses and a cup of tea.
I think I've been having tiny little panic attacks. That might be catastrophising things, but sometimes it's just hard to breathe for a few minutes. Stress is high these days. I'm pretty sure it's the kind of stress I am putting on myself, which I know because I think un-normal things like "Sleep is so annoying, I don't know why I have to waste time sleeping." and "I should write a book". I mean, comeon.
How's the diet going you ask? Don't even get me started, we had donuts for breakfast.
I've actually realized that I need to be appreciated, and until the babies came, I was regularly appreciated at work or at school because I am an overachiever and would go above and beyond to gain kudos. Now I am appreciated in a completely different way by Evan, the babies and both of our families. It feels different though. I am in no way ungrateful, but change is hard.
Ok, back to the stress. I'm planning a wedding. I have no idea what I'm doing and I am having a difficult time accepting help because I am a control freak. I have my maid of honor helping me, but she also has a career and a 7month old and lives in MN, so that complicates things.
I tried to do our taxes and that was a disaster. I've done them every other year, but for some reason this year is exponentially harder. Shame on us for having babies, selling stock, and being self employed. I gave up and we're hiring a tax guy.
I have been dealing with the grief of my cousin passing away. It was tragic and unexpected and my head is still whirling from the situation. Having a death in the family also forces us to face our own mortality which now is completely different for us since we have the twins. Grief is a sneaky thing too. One minute I'm fine and then I see a commercial or have a memory pass by that sends me into emotional turmoil. I started crying in Target today while picking out sympathy cards. People looked at me like I was crazy, but for God's sake I was in the sympathy aisle! Have a little... sympathy.
The same week of my cousin's death, we found out that our friends who were pregnant with twins, went into labor at 5 months. She gave birth to her twins, they were with them for about an hour and then they both passed away. I can't even put into words my feelings about this and for them. They were (and still will be) amazing parents. In moments like this, I almost feel guilty for having such strong and healthy twins. We are blessed beyond measure. There is no making sense of death, especially the death of babies/children. All I can believe is that God needed a couple of very special tiny angles up there to help Him because there is no other explanation for the pain, sorrow and suffering their parents are going through.
On the work front, I have decided, because of some changes at my massage job, that it is a good time for me to rent space and take my own private clients for massage. I found a wellness center where I can rent space with several other folks in the healing profession. This is also a great time for me to merge my massage and life coaching paths. I would market myself as a massage therapist and life coach. No I don't coach you when you are receiving a massage, but I would offer both services to the public. I'm wrestling with questions of ethics, but I have to remind myself that coaching is different from counseling and there would be VERY clear boundaries drawn if a client chose to receive both coaching and massage services from me. Anyway, that has been on my mind. It will take some preparation, but I am excited for that opportunity.
Speaking of opportunity. My old manager from my last corporate job doing marketing for ActiveGolf called me up and wanted to discuss options for me re-joining the team part-time. OYE VEY! I loved working for Rich, so of course I said and enthusiastic "sure!" Sometimes I agree to something because I live in the land of "I can do anything and everything". He's asking directors today if he can hire me, so we'll see if that goes through. If it does, mommy and daddy need to find some in-home help so that mommy doesn't lose her mind.
Oh and you're probably wondering about the babies and Evan.
Evan is doing well at his job. His co-workers are great. We brought the babies in this morning and they get passed around and love the attention. Yes, even Olivia. She barely cried! Evan bought some tickets to baseball games he wants to go to this season, so we're excited about that. We love baseball! We went to the Padres Fan Fest, which was cool. We got to go down onto the field, into the dugout and we even bought baseball hats for the Padres which is funny because our hearts are with the San Francisco Giants. San Diego has an amazing stadium though, so it will be fun to experience games here. Evan has been trying to get out for a good bike ride. He used to bike a lot in San Francisco, it would be great if he could find a route he enjoys around here.
Both babies have two bottom teeth, they both are sitting up so well! They are strong little nuggets. Olivia bounces when she hears music, and Wyatt growls... all the time, he just growls. He did it at Target today, and I smile like it's totally normal. The babies talk to one another. They talk a lot when I'm feeding them or when they are in their exersaucers, or in bed. They sure have a lot to say! Olivia is on the edge of crawling, she gets up on all fours and then lays on her stomach. I don't blame her, crawling is too much work. Oh! I almost forgot, the babies give kisses now! they give these big open mouthed, sloppy, wet and amazing kissess. Olivia just grabs your face and sucks on your cheek when you tell her to give you a kiss. It melts my heart.
Wyatt still wakes up every 1-2 hours at night, my bestie Carise just gave me the name of a book I should read about sleep training twins. Thanks for that 7 months into this adventure. She's been holding onto that little piece of gold for WAY too long.
My sister, Aka Auntie Mandy visited for the first time a couple of weeks ago! The babies loved her and she was so comfortable with them. She took approximately ten thousand hours of video and more pictures than I've taken since birth, she's a proud Auntie! Wyatt loved to kiss her, and they were both enamored by all the individual attention they were getting. You know, single babies just get spoiled with attention. My poor twins have to fight for it - they're tiny little gladiators for love.
Ok, well I have to go get the little monsters, they are awake and chatting in the crib. Hate to break up what I'm sure is them plotting how to get me to leave them alone with a full day of cartoons, apple sauce and all the toys in the world, but it's time for them to come out and work off some energy.
Stats from their 6 month appointment:
Wyatt is 24 3/4 inches tall and 15lbs
Olivia is 26 inches tall and 16lbs 14 ounces
Wyatt's heart is strong. He was taken off all meds except Propanolol which he takes 3 times per day. He wore a 24 hour heart monitor on Monday to make sure everything is still good since the change in meds.
Here are a few cute pics (duh, they're all cute)
Lots of love
Bree and Evan
I think I've been having tiny little panic attacks. That might be catastrophising things, but sometimes it's just hard to breathe for a few minutes. Stress is high these days. I'm pretty sure it's the kind of stress I am putting on myself, which I know because I think un-normal things like "Sleep is so annoying, I don't know why I have to waste time sleeping." and "I should write a book". I mean, comeon.
How's the diet going you ask? Don't even get me started, we had donuts for breakfast.
I've actually realized that I need to be appreciated, and until the babies came, I was regularly appreciated at work or at school because I am an overachiever and would go above and beyond to gain kudos. Now I am appreciated in a completely different way by Evan, the babies and both of our families. It feels different though. I am in no way ungrateful, but change is hard.
Ok, back to the stress. I'm planning a wedding. I have no idea what I'm doing and I am having a difficult time accepting help because I am a control freak. I have my maid of honor helping me, but she also has a career and a 7month old and lives in MN, so that complicates things.
I tried to do our taxes and that was a disaster. I've done them every other year, but for some reason this year is exponentially harder. Shame on us for having babies, selling stock, and being self employed. I gave up and we're hiring a tax guy.
I have been dealing with the grief of my cousin passing away. It was tragic and unexpected and my head is still whirling from the situation. Having a death in the family also forces us to face our own mortality which now is completely different for us since we have the twins. Grief is a sneaky thing too. One minute I'm fine and then I see a commercial or have a memory pass by that sends me into emotional turmoil. I started crying in Target today while picking out sympathy cards. People looked at me like I was crazy, but for God's sake I was in the sympathy aisle! Have a little... sympathy.
The same week of my cousin's death, we found out that our friends who were pregnant with twins, went into labor at 5 months. She gave birth to her twins, they were with them for about an hour and then they both passed away. I can't even put into words my feelings about this and for them. They were (and still will be) amazing parents. In moments like this, I almost feel guilty for having such strong and healthy twins. We are blessed beyond measure. There is no making sense of death, especially the death of babies/children. All I can believe is that God needed a couple of very special tiny angles up there to help Him because there is no other explanation for the pain, sorrow and suffering their parents are going through.
On the work front, I have decided, because of some changes at my massage job, that it is a good time for me to rent space and take my own private clients for massage. I found a wellness center where I can rent space with several other folks in the healing profession. This is also a great time for me to merge my massage and life coaching paths. I would market myself as a massage therapist and life coach. No I don't coach you when you are receiving a massage, but I would offer both services to the public. I'm wrestling with questions of ethics, but I have to remind myself that coaching is different from counseling and there would be VERY clear boundaries drawn if a client chose to receive both coaching and massage services from me. Anyway, that has been on my mind. It will take some preparation, but I am excited for that opportunity.
Speaking of opportunity. My old manager from my last corporate job doing marketing for ActiveGolf called me up and wanted to discuss options for me re-joining the team part-time. OYE VEY! I loved working for Rich, so of course I said and enthusiastic "sure!" Sometimes I agree to something because I live in the land of "I can do anything and everything". He's asking directors today if he can hire me, so we'll see if that goes through. If it does, mommy and daddy need to find some in-home help so that mommy doesn't lose her mind.
Oh and you're probably wondering about the babies and Evan.
Evan is doing well at his job. His co-workers are great. We brought the babies in this morning and they get passed around and love the attention. Yes, even Olivia. She barely cried! Evan bought some tickets to baseball games he wants to go to this season, so we're excited about that. We love baseball! We went to the Padres Fan Fest, which was cool. We got to go down onto the field, into the dugout and we even bought baseball hats for the Padres which is funny because our hearts are with the San Francisco Giants. San Diego has an amazing stadium though, so it will be fun to experience games here. Evan has been trying to get out for a good bike ride. He used to bike a lot in San Francisco, it would be great if he could find a route he enjoys around here.
Both babies have two bottom teeth, they both are sitting up so well! They are strong little nuggets. Olivia bounces when she hears music, and Wyatt growls... all the time, he just growls. He did it at Target today, and I smile like it's totally normal. The babies talk to one another. They talk a lot when I'm feeding them or when they are in their exersaucers, or in bed. They sure have a lot to say! Olivia is on the edge of crawling, she gets up on all fours and then lays on her stomach. I don't blame her, crawling is too much work. Oh! I almost forgot, the babies give kisses now! they give these big open mouthed, sloppy, wet and amazing kissess. Olivia just grabs your face and sucks on your cheek when you tell her to give you a kiss. It melts my heart.
Wyatt still wakes up every 1-2 hours at night, my bestie Carise just gave me the name of a book I should read about sleep training twins. Thanks for that 7 months into this adventure. She's been holding onto that little piece of gold for WAY too long.
My sister, Aka Auntie Mandy visited for the first time a couple of weeks ago! The babies loved her and she was so comfortable with them. She took approximately ten thousand hours of video and more pictures than I've taken since birth, she's a proud Auntie! Wyatt loved to kiss her, and they were both enamored by all the individual attention they were getting. You know, single babies just get spoiled with attention. My poor twins have to fight for it - they're tiny little gladiators for love.
Ok, well I have to go get the little monsters, they are awake and chatting in the crib. Hate to break up what I'm sure is them plotting how to get me to leave them alone with a full day of cartoons, apple sauce and all the toys in the world, but it's time for them to come out and work off some energy.
Stats from their 6 month appointment:
Wyatt is 24 3/4 inches tall and 15lbs
Olivia is 26 inches tall and 16lbs 14 ounces
Wyatt's heart is strong. He was taken off all meds except Propanolol which he takes 3 times per day. He wore a 24 hour heart monitor on Monday to make sure everything is still good since the change in meds.
Here are a few cute pics (duh, they're all cute)
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| The sunset view from our deck. |
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| Playing in their exersaucers |
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| Olivia giving up after a lot of crawling preparation |
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| Play time, we're learning to share |
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| What can only be captioned as "Worlds Cutest Baby Girl :)" |
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| Grandma RaeRae and Grandpa Pistol |
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| Wyatt Reading Cat in the Hat to Papa Pistol |
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| Padres Fan Fest |
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| 6 month Dr.appointment and vaccinations |
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| Olivia enjoying the sun at our monthly Hullabaloo (kid concert at a library) |
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| WyWy and mamma |
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| Seriously, he's ALWAYS smiling |
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| Daddy and Wyatt moment |
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| Smiling Olivia |
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| He's such a charmer |
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| A visit with Auntie Mandy |
Lots of love
Bree and Evan
I love this post! I can't believe all that has happened in the week since I left. You have been through a lot recently; make sure you take care of you! And give those babies lots of loving from Auntie Mandy! Love you all :)
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